mysteries and magic, visions fantastic

I'm starting to think that I should totally hook up an RSS feed to my myspace blog.

Leslie and I are sitting in the living room at my house watching the Backstreet Boys: Live In Orlando concert (yeah, old school.. haaa.) and I'm working on things for the business that Annie and I conceived.

If you haven't been reading my myspace blog, a lot has happened in the last couple of months... as usual, considering that I never seem to make it here anymore.

I really miss using my Livejournal, but I never seem to have the kind of compulsion that I had when I was on here all day. :( Leastways, I kind of live on freakin' Facebook or Myspace (FB more, as it is, haha...) if I'm on the internet at all... honestly... more of my time is spent on a lifeguard stand.

Or at Chad's house. Haha.

There are new things afoot.

Thought I was in love. Got really hurt. Like... hurt beyond any sort of comprehension or shadow of a doubt. In essence, I was with a guy who lied to me to get what he wanted... made me fall for him hook, line, and sinker, and boy did I ever... then I ended up pregnant like a stupid idiot, and ended up losing said child and losing so much more... because as I was going through all of this... I did so by myself and brokenhearted... he broke up with me because "he wasn't ready to settle." So I've settled for hating him, in a way.

I used to be so concerned with what people thought of me... and now I have realized that I don't really give two shits about what anyone thinks. *shrug* Indifference works wonders. It's kind of like... unless you really really really mean something to me, something enough to judge who I am and give me some sort of opinion (and normally, I will value such if you care enough to give it to me...), I don't really care what you think if you have something negative to say.

I've found, finally, a core group of best friends who truly love each other like a family... so much so that we have called said family "the Face Family". Our names are hilarious... we each have names. Haha... let me introduce you. :D

( Meet the Faces... this will be photo heavy. )

I've been spending a lot of time with Chad, specifically. He's my best guy friend and his company since Chris has been gone has meant a lot to me. He went through everything with me, every single painful moment... right next to me and pretty much holding me up. Even after all the stuff with Chris, he's been there still... being my best friend. It's nice to be able to sit next to someone on their bed and play Guitar Hero for hours... or drive to Aquatica singing "Pork and Beans" by Weezer as loud as you can. It's nice to have the delightful randomness we have... especially when I know that I've been looking for a best friend like this all my life.

Guess I got lucky and God gave me the best birthday present ever. (The first time Chad and I ever met was on my birthday at Jellyrolls... he came to my birthday party with a friend of mine... and I told him drunkenly to date her. Hahaha...)

Anyway... I kind of concede and will say that my confidence level has been fixed and I'm happy. I'm actually happy about everything. Including being SINGLE!!

I miss you guys. Love you much. I'm sorry I keep going away, don't hate me. ♥

Red Five standing by... or make it the Oceanic Six. Widespread industry rumors have it that the writer's guild may be on the verge of a breakthrough settlement to end their strike, possibly in time to save part of the remaining unfilmed half of Lost Season 4.

If you're really under a rock, we noted back in October that the writers were about to go on strike, halting the production of scripted Hollywood TV, including Lost Season 4, a strike that has now lasted three months. And 2 weeks ago we commented on the tentative agreement the director's guild made with the producers about 2 weeks ago here. The progress the directors made put the negotiators for the writers under the gun to make similar progress.

This pressure led to two big guns from the writers (John Bowman, head of the negotiating committee, and the WGA West head honcho David Young) informally meeting with two big producers (News Corp's Peter Chernin and Bob Iger, CEO of Disney which owns ABC and by extension Lost). There was a media blackout that started to break today, with good news.

The Hollywood Reporter reported that these informal conversations resulted in monumental breakthroughs that could result in official negotiations to finalize a settlement soon, perhaps in the next week. The sticking points had to do with payment for rebroadcasts in "new media" such as Internet streams and downloads.

If this actually results in the WGA authorizing filmings to resume, it may mean the salvage of part of episodes 9-16 of Lost if the cast and crew can be reassembled hastily over in Hawaii. Probably all eight episodes cannot be saved at this late date, but that's speculation upon speculation for now, and also dependent on whether ABC extends its general television season this year. So sit tight and follow the entertainment news closely because it just might mean a second installment of several more episodes of Season 4 for Lost fans.

(from lostpedia.com)

ABC will be showing the ENHANCED SEASON 3 FINALE of LOST starting in 23 minutes!!!

YOU HAVE TO WAAAATCH.

Watch. Yeeees. Do itttt. You know you waaaant to.

(cross posted to the myspace)

January 31st at 8pm, Lost premiere party at my house, on the 32 inch lcd screen tv.

Anyone who wants to come, please feel free... call me for directions.

As usual, if you don't have my number, message me and I'll give it to you. EVERYONE AND ANYONE IS WELCOME, just let me know first.

(cross posted to the myspace)

If you are watching tv right now, switch to Spike TV and please watch.

Because I'm awesome and Adam and I are on tv tonight. We're all the frick over it. :)

Edit: Whenever they zoom out and look at the entire ring, I'm in the lower right hand corner of the screen. Adam is where the border of your screen is.

I bought myself a new paid account today.

Which means that I now have access to all my icons.

I deleted a lot of them, and I'll probably be deleting the rest, I'm just not so sure yet. Bahhh. It's so weird seeing everything from this angle.

I also redid my layout... a little bit... I'm working with beanpop to manipulate some pictures for a new layout... I wasn't on LJ for some time and Narnia just got super old.

Anyways. Yayay happiness. :D

(in honor of having all my icons back, I'm going to show off the lovely Ewan as my first choice. I missed it. :])

The Project is now a project in three parts, and Adam and I are very excited.

I will not be explaining what the project is... but I will direct you to a few very pertinent sites in reference to what you can do to help if you want to!

First off... note that any site that I post on here will be directly involved with the project at hand.

http://www.handsandfeetproject.org - A site dedicated to Audio Adrenaline's Hands and Feet Project, the creation of an orphanage in Haiti and ran by Jo and Drex Stuart, parents of Mark Stuart (lead singer of Audio Adrenaline).

http://www.holtintl.org - Holt International is a company dedicated to orphan adoption in very overpopulated China, where parents are forced to give away the rest of their children after having a certain amount (normally, one).

http://www.alsa.org - The ALS Association is looking for a cure for Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, also known as Lou Gehrig's Disease. For more information on ALS, see the Wikipedia page. (I know, Wikipedia is disputable in reliability, but it does give a general idea of what ALS is.)

We are also taking donations to help us out with our project, which will also be known as what it truly is: a ministry. First off, this ministry/project is non profit, meaning that neither Adam nor I will be benefitting from any proceeds donated. We do not have a name yet. We do have a plan. It's a big plan. Any help would be appreciated and full credit would be granted. Message me on myspace or facebook (or email me at my business email, a.light.within@gmail.com) and I will tell you how to donate if you're interested.

Thanks to everyone who already is granting us support! You guys are truly loved and cherished!

Amber

I've had enough.

I've had enough of your childish games... the way you try to push me into doing more and more for you... your self centered egotistical attitude. If I say or do something (because it's MY fucking apartment) then it's that way and there's no way that you're going to cross me. I've done everything that you've ever asked for you.... I drove you back and forth from Semoran to MGM and you never paid me a nickel. The times you sat in the car and tried to work out how to be a better bellhop, all the time not paying attention to the fact that you're supposed to be a better CAST MEMBER before you're a better bellhop. The money you owe me (which HAS to be in the 500.00 level by now, and I don't expect to ever get it back because you don't believe you owe me anything...) for all the rides, the food, the gas I wasted that both Adam and I bought, the time I wasted that I could have been spending with people who really cared about me and not just someone who was using me.

Or the times that I've asked you to do something around here... because we've given you a place to stay for three months. How about when you went and asked someone who wasn't even involved if the person moving in after you could pay half the rent for December because you won't be here? How do you think that looks to us when you lived for free for a few months off of myself and Sarah, but you complain about paying the full rent... but you can go buy Bully, Guitar Hero, and say that you don't have money to pay me back but you really have upwards of 700 bucks in your Suntrust account?

How about when you complain about us having our friends over... how about when I told you "December 20th is the day you need to be out of here" and you didn't start looking even though I gave you two months. Or maybe all the days that you got up an hour before work and guilt tripped either myself or Adam into giving you a ride and never paid us back for the gas that got you there? Even just the fact that you don't shower and rarely wash your clothes pisses me off... dousing yourself in Axe doesn't hide the nasty.

The truth, Michael, is not that we don't want a boy living here with us. The truth is that we don't want YOU living here with us. You're a shitty roommate, a shitty friend, and a shitty person. And coming from a person who backed you up all that time and looked out for you and would have done anything for you... that should be a sign to you to change the shit you do to people... There are a lot of people at Tower who want you out... you'll be lucky to keep your job another year from what I've heard. Maybe this will be a sign to all the girls you've been making out with and having sex with (there have been something like 3 or 4 in the past month, disgusting...) that they shouldn't be around you. Maybe this will be a sign to all the friends that you have who think that you're truly a friend to watch their backs or you'll stab them in it.

Someone told me to watch out for you. I trusted you. You fucked me over. I don't expect anything in return for all I've done for you. Just go. Get out. And don't worry about me in the future... I will be perfectly fine without you.

So I know that I said that I would post pictures of recent days... there are a lot that I don't have to post right now... so bear with me. These are pretty much of me in my new costume.

( A couple of pictures... )

Okay... I totally have to go to work now... and the shitty cologne that Mike put on is making me sick. So I REALLY have to go.

I hate days like today... you know what I'm talking about... when you don't get enough sleep and yet you have to be up to do things? And it makes you sick to your stomach... no I MEAN LITERALLY SICK... and you can't do anything about it, because you still have to be up do to things.

Yesterday was an amazing day... Adam and I headed to the Magic Kingdom... took lots and lots of pictures of everything and knocked more stuff off my list. The only thing I have left to do is walk through the Swiss Family Treehouse and I am done with the Magic Kingdom! Well... not DONE. Per say. But we did get lucky enough to find both Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin and Space Mountain with hardly any wait. I rode in the back on Space Mountain, and I definitely thought I was coming out of that car... but omg so fun!!

Then we headed over to the Disney-MGM Studios. Since we're former bellhops, all the new bellhops know us too, so we headed over there and rode the Tower of Terror Happiness and Aaron Harris officially won my title for best bellhop of all time (he acted like it was his first day at Tower and totally screwed with everyone on the load... hahahaha pure comedy...). We then went to see the Osbourne Family Spectacle of Dancing Lights, presented by Sylvania, a Siemens Company... (DO YOU THINK I'VE HEARD THAT ENOUGH?). Adam and I got hot chocolate in a blinking mug, which was awesome... even though it was NOT cold and NOT weather for hot chocolate, we loved it and drank it up. Then the lights started dancing and I was pretty impressed with it. After they stopped, we headed over to Tatooine Traders (the store at the end of Star Tours) and walked around. Then we headed back to Sunset... because there's nothing to do anywhere else.

I'm going to continue with the MGM feed in a moment... BUT MICHAEL IS SNORING SO LOUD THAT I CAN HEAR HIM THROUGH HIS BEDROOM DOOR. LMAO.

Anyways. Adam and I walked back over to Sunset after I realized that Mike was working at the Rock N Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith (LMAO I ♥ nomenclature... I will say everything except Tower in full nomenclature from now on. Meaning... full names. HAHA!). When I got to greeter (which was my friend Meredith) she told me that he was doing a task in Studio C (aka the preshow room)... called "Chris". If you've ever been on the ride, when Joe Perry says... "Hey, Chris, can you grab my black Les Paul?", there is supposed to be a person inside the studio grabbing it! It turns out that Coaster is mostly understaffed so no one ever does that. But I got to see it for the first time... my best friend and roommate, Mike, as Chris... Adam and I were DYING. Hilarious. We rode, and then I came back with the camera and took a picture of Mike at Load in his red vest. :) Fun stuff. Then we rode Tower again twice and hung around with Tyler until we were out... then it was done and gone and off to the car.

As yesterday was an amazing day... last night was a horrible night. I get antzy and restless when my world is messy and unkempt... and it definitely was. :( So I needed to get things fixed and put back together... but I was tired and annoyed, and I pretty much stuck myself in a rut. Pair that together with the fact that Adam and I were needlessly arguing... and you have a very bad night. I woke up sick this morning.

Sarah is getting a real Christmas tree today... I don't know what to do about this. We are gonna have needles and junk everywhere. And Sarah seriously looked at me and said, "Well if I can take care of a tree, I can take care of a puppy." Adam and I scoffed. I love Sarah... but that tree will die by Christmas Eve. :P Oh well. You have to know her, really. :P

Anyways. I should probably head up to Access Control and get my ID, so I'm going to call Sarah and see what progress they have made with the tree. Seems she found a fat short tree... goody. So they should be back soon... but not so soon... she told me to go get my ID. So here I go. Off to see the Alex, the wonderful Alex of Access Control.... *dances sickly away*

I had this random craving to go to PI tonight.

However... Adam is here tonight and he's studying. And we just got our new couch today (okay it's an old one but we're gonna MAKE it new!) and we're tired.

Buuuuut... I think that maybe next week would be a great time. What do you think, Leighton? Maybe grab SIM and go see a Comedy Show, and whatever else? Respond.

Just over a year ago, a very powerful hurricane hit my home.

I remember intense anger at many things... but deep down, feeling pain and horror watching the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans and on the Gulf Coast... and knowing that there was nothing I could do about it.

And tonight, I find myself cheering and on the edge of my seat watching the New Orleans Saints take on the Atlanta Falcons in the Louisiana Superdome.

At this moment, the score is 17-3, in favor of my Saints. With Reggie Bush and Drew Brees leading a rebuilt and stronger team under the leadership of Sean Payton, the Saints are defending their newly rebuilt home against Michael Vick, Morten Andersen (signed just for tonight, almost to spite us, I feel...), and Jim Mora, Jr., who I feel are trying to take away something from us. Maybe they are not trying too hard. But the Atlanta Falcons have always stolen whatever thunder the Saints have had. They have always taken dreams away from dreamers who weren't strong or tough enough to stop them. And that, to me, is why they are mortal enemies.

How fitting it is... for the Grand Reopening of the Louisiana Superdome to be fought out against the Atlanta Falcons.

But there's more for me to think about.

About 8 months ago, I moved here to Florida to start my internship at Walt Disney World. I've always wanted to live here in Florida... I often can't believe that I'm here. It's almost surreal to know that I can drive a few minutes away and see Epcot's Spaceship Earth rising over everything... to drive past the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror and know that in a few moments, one of the Horton Doors will open and guests will scream at the top of their lungs... or to know that a real monorail will pass by my car if I am driving towards the Magic Kingdom... and the Castle of my Dreams will be sitting at the end of that road.

But there will always be New Orleans. In the back of my mind the last 8 months, I remember thinking about beignets and coffee at the Cafe du Monde. I remember thinking about crawfish and seafood... about Buras and the Sunshine Bridge in Empire. I remember thinking sometimes that I was waking up in Hammond and that I needed to drive to Target, when I was really waking up in my apartment at Vista and needed to drive to MGM to work at Tower. I remember missing my friends... missing my memories... missing what is and always will be my birthplace, my first home.

I still think about home. I wish sometimes that I could help out in a much bigger way... but I feel in my heart that I belong where I do, that I am happier the way I am. I think sometimes, about being a kid in Belle Chasse, with friends like Anna and Nicole. I think about us staying at Anna's dad's apartment in the Faubourg Marigny, and I think of all the lovely times that I had with my friends growing up. I think about all the lovely times in high school and then moving to Hammond with Kenny.

I've grown up a lot since I left, and I've grown enough to know that the human condition is perfectly exemplified by New Orleans and the way things are there. The struggle to live, to survive, to grow, and to change... is so hard for so many, and even harder when you have had everything taken away. I know what it is like to have nothing, to be scared to wake up because you don't know where your next dollar is going to come from... and to have so many good people taking care of you.

So many New Orlenians are no longer home. They are transplants. They are like me... enjoying the place where they are and possibly making life better for themselves, but missing home just as much.

Let me clarify very quickly. I moved to Hammond in 2003. Hammond was never home. New Orleans always was.

Orlando has become a second home for me, a new home. This new home will nurture me as I grow, will protect me as I become stronger as a person and in my hopes and dreams... but New Orleans will always be my home and will always hold onto my heart.

I love you, New Orleans. I love your jazz music, your red beans and rice/gumbo/jambalaya, your football team, your lovely cemetaries, your cathedrals, your vibrancy, and your gypsy way of life.

And I always will.

♥

I find it really fucked up when a friend of yours does something behind your back, and makes it worse by continually lying about it...

Then the person starts trying to explain it away but is totally missing the point. The point, my dear (since I figure that you're reading this...) is that the lie is pretty bad, but the breaking of trust? Can never be fixed.

That's one more friend off my RL friend list. Fuck it, whatever.

This will remain public for the sheer fact that the person concerned needs to read it.

got a job at my 4th amc theater today. said theater is one of the busiest in the company, aka the amc pleasure island 24.

i would ask everyone to applaud... but given my dealings with the company in the past... i'm a little apprehensive.

luckily, i already know my managers (who do you think i asked for free tickets, eh?) and i know most of the job that i'll be doing. like... after doing something for 3 years, you'd think that i learned it.  well, then again, i did work at hammond... that will totally knock your experience down about 400 notches.

i wonder if they're going to let me have my year pins that i already had... i had my two year already by the time that i left hammond.

it also didn't take much to get this job... i looked at her, was attentive, smiled, and told her the truth about everything in the past. she didn't ask about me getting fired by ponce... she didn't ask about why i left amc and came back... she just asked me how i liked working at tower and how i liked working at target, and stuff like that. it was the quickest interview i've ever had. possibly because she's not ryan guichet and she actually knew what she was doing...

the other one up about working for amc here...?  if i quit the company like i said i was going to... i still get into the parks for free. fucking aye.

I love you, Karen... I hope that things work out in the right way... whatever that may be. *hugs*

I'm thinking about you.

To clarify:

I will be on LJ from time to time. I'm not just going to abandon my totally beautiful paid LJ.

Although I am no longer a mod of hogwartsishome, I am remaining on as Quidditch Coach and Clubs Mod. And I'll probably end up still helping out with Hogsmeade. So if you're a Quidditch player and you're on my flist... you still owe me your times. *grimace*

This was done because there's a lot going on in my personal life. Not because I'm tired of you guys... or hate you... or anything like that. I'm around!

So I really have to go ahead and say that before I had internet here, I was much more focused. And now I'm falling back into the pattern I was in before I left home, where I sit on the internet and drone all day and forget about the things I need to do.

I had a person, a very important person to me, tell me today that I really need to grow up... and he's right. I've been trying to rely on myself and yet falling back on those around me for YEARS. In some ways, I'm just like my mom in that respect.

The bottom line is... I feel like I should have to explain myself to you guys, my friends... the people who have been here for me for almost two years. I'm giving up all my jobs at hogwartsishome for the moment. I might take them back eventually. I give all my love to those who can multitask and manage a real life and an internet life. Because I can't.

And I'm in Disney World... I should (as Bunny sort of reminds me a lot) be out having fun and not worrying about the stuff that goes on online.

My love to everyone... takarakanashi is now on hiatus.

... and Amber comes through the fog, and walks away.

There is nothing, NOTHING, better than the chills you get when you see that almost every single entry on your flist for two pages is all "HAPPY BIRTHDAY takarakanashi!"

Because, you know... that's me.

*blushes and feels very loved*

This is even going to stay public. :O

I know I've posted a lot in the last 24 hours... however... GET OVER IT. *sticks tongue out*

I've been thinking a lot about what being here means to me.

See, I looked back through my most recent entries... and I thought about things that I've been talking to others about... I made a comment to Britt that I wasn't enjoying work lately. The drama with Ashley didn't help, and the stuff with the other people at Tower doesn't quite help my morale. Then there's my problems with others.... my roomies, my friends... etc.

But it all goes back to one thing... why am I here?

Last night, during my insomnia episode... I was listening to the cds that Jeremy burned for me. And the entirety of Wishes is on the second disc. That's what I REALLY wanted, so I've been listening to it over and over and over. So I'm standing there in my room, folding my clothes and putting them away, and suddenly, I start listening to the music... REALLY LISTENING... and remembering the stuff I've had to go through... the pain it took to get here. I mean... what is any of this life really about anyway?

Listening to the music helped me realize it. It's about dreams. Wishes. Sometimes, we just sit outside and look at the stars... and sometimes, we make a wish on one of those stars... if we were kids like myself, who grew up on making wishes on stars and getting to be able to escape the monotony of real life through magic... my magic was Disney World. The point is... no matter how bad anything is, no matter how horrible life is or whatever curve balls it throws you, we have the ability to dream and create magic with our minds and our hearts.

It made me cry. I started to forget what really mattered... it wasn't the bullshit with everyone... it's not the job... it's the experience... making magic for people, being here. Loving this place with all my heart. I can't believe I'm here. I still look around in awe. But I love it.

And the friends I've made, the people who will matter years down the line, those who have made me smile and built me up after so much pain... I'll be eternally grateful.

"But just when things look bad, fate steps in and sees you through..." - Jiminy Cricket, from Wishes.

Since not so many of you figured out what I put as a phone post, I'm going to go ahead and say that it was all of Wishes, Magic Kingdom's fireworks spectacular.

It's not a good version... I was too far away from any of the speakers. But next time... I'm going to go scope out the speakers and do a good version.

Or maybe I'll get a vid cam and put it all on the net. Or I'll find it so you can watch it.